The Power of Being Nice

When School Feels Unkind

For some students, school can feel like a place where cruelty and feelings of insignificance flourish. The social dynamics of the classroom, the corridor, and the playground can be brutal — particularly for those who already struggle with self-esteem.

Working as a coach across schools, I witness how oppressive the school environment can feel for students who lack confidence. They often retreat inward, hiding the qualities that make them who they are.

The Strength It Takes to Be Kind

Being genuinely nice requires exceptional strength. It sounds counterintuitive, but "being nice is just NOT that easy." In environments where mockery and indifference are common currencies, choosing kindness takes real courage.

Our coaching approach focuses on developing two complementary sets of qualities: communal values such as friendliness, helpfulness, and fairness, alongside independent traits including assertiveness and persistence. Research by Abele suggests that combining communal values with agentic traits leads to greater happiness.

Finding Courage Through Coaching

One student I worked with discovered something powerful through a simple coaching conversation. While reminiscing about learning to ride a bicycle, she realised that she already possessed the qualities she thought she lacked: courage, kindness, and determination.

The bicycle story revealed that she had always been willing to fall and try again, to help others who were struggling, and to persist when things were difficult. These were not new qualities to develop — they were existing strengths to recognise and embrace.

The Ripple Effect

By recognising these qualities in herself, the student committed to embodying them more openly. The results were remarkable. She eventually attracted genuine friendships and even began influencing others positively.

"It's like people are liking my niceness," she said. She had previously lacked the confidence to express her inherent kindness. Her newfound courage did not just change her own experience — it inspired others around her.